I'm not especially eloquent in expressing my thoughts and feelings on paper. At one time I thought I would be a high school English teacher and writing was such a release for me. I wrote every English paper with so much thought and intention.
Once the assignments stopped, I stopped writing. I don't write much about my personal feelings on this blog, there are many reasons for that, but I do want to share some things I've been learning on this motherhood journey occasionally, since I know a lot of my readers may be walking a similar journey in their own lives.
The first 6 months of Addy's life I stopped EVERYTHING to get through that adjustment period. I stepped back from my ministry serving as a youth leader, working out of the home, helping my husband on a more practical level at work, going to the gym, and the list goes on.
The past 6 months I have been slowly navigating how to still be me in the midst of change and how to integrate more things into my life without creating chaos and frustration. I can't put ministry, physical activity, and my well being on hold for 20+ years while my child (or someday children) are under my care.
Some weeks I think I'm doing well balancing it all, and then other weeks I feel completely off kilter and wonder why I'm stressed and cranky. I am learning there is no fool proof solution to finding this balance. For me, being aware of the unbalance has been crucial to getting closer to finding it.
What I do know to be true (for me) are the following:
1. Spending time praying, reading, and in quiet make my whole day feel more purposeful. It's like a sports team huddle - regroup and get energized and go about my day with purpose and intention. It helps me find purpose in the mundane.
2. I feel so much better about myself and am in SUCH a better mood if I spend some time doing physical activity. Some days I go to the gym or for a walk and some days I don't. If you were a fly on my wall you could tell by my mood which days are which!
3. I still need to be serving others and reaching out. It is so easy to get stuck thinking everything is about me. The result is complaining (mentally or vocally), discontentment, and wanting more stuff. My primary "service" IS to my family, but I have found it so great to get back involved in serving in our church and using my gifts in that way too.
4. I cannot and should not yes to every church activity or community service opportunity. Like I said in number 3 - my family is my first service. I don't want Addy growing up thinking that we were so involved in "other stuff" that we didn't have time for her. I have already stepped back from some things that I thought I'd pick up again because she needs me, and I love that.
5. Finding an outlet is a necessity for me. Something separate from work, or household tasks needs to be a part of my life. I've been finding that outlet in different areas such as reading, crafting, blogging, going to dinner with a girlfriend. I just need to be intentional in taking some "me" time, I am a much happier person when I do.
These are some things that I've been learning that apply to my journey. I am leaving today for a 24hour Women's Retreat. This will be my first night away from my little one. It wasn't easy for me to sign up but I know that I need to take that step and take that time. Another balancing act!
What have been some things that have helped you find some balance in your life?
I love this post, particularly the part about not overcommitting to activities. I have a tendency to do this anyway, and once we had Kendry it became that much more difficult. I already have two days out each week - one night for my women's Bible study and one night for our small group, which Kendry attends too. And thats enough. Some weeks its actually too much since I work full time too; on those weeks we simply stay home one of those nights. My big thing is making sure to run any extra commitments by Justin first; he is so great at helping me see if another commitment is going to be too much or if we can and should do it. Like you said, my first job is serving my family. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst night away, huh? While you are sure to miss her while you're gone, I think you'll be surprised with how even a quick overnight getaway can refresh you to head back into mothering.